BDSM is an acronym that covers three distinct areas: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sado- masochism. BDSM is one of many aspects of sexuality and although in the past has been veiled in mystery and fear, in recent years, it has become more widely known and many of the play instruments of BDSM (paddles, crops, handcuffs) are now readily available in High Street sex shops, and have created a more mainstream subset which is quite often known as tie and tease. However, for the general public and the mass media, it is still seen as being ‘kinky’ sex and is quite often portrayed as in a Carry On film.

Under the general umbrella of BDSM, many subsets of human behavior are played out, including punishment, verbal abuse, sexual role playing, dressing up, tying up and many more, but in essence, BDSM is all about the expression and use of power in relationship.

Relationship in its widest context (including personal, sexual, working, family) is the playing field on which power is expressed, used and in certain circumstances abused. BDSM brings into consciousness many of the unconscious games that are played out in relationship and allows this free expression in a safe, sane and consensual way.

BDSM does not always involve sexual play and in domination/submission activities, it may not include any physical connection at all. From the outside, BDSM can appear to be sexual abuse, violent or coercive, but in reality, when played with consciousness and agreement, it is a safe, sane arena for play. However, one potential problem that can occur with BDSM is where the person gets stuck in this one aspect of sexuality and is only able to express themselves sexually within BDSM play (in essence BDSM becomes a true fetish).

Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterised by the fact that the participants usually take on complementary, but unequal, roles. Typically, participants who are active ‘applying the activity or exercising control over others’ are known as tops or dominants and those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners, are typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals will tend to have a greater energy for one role although some will happily switch roles and it is generally good to experience both.

Martin Hellawell

Tags: abuse, BDSM, bondage, consensual, discipline, domination, fetish, kinky, play, relationship, sex, sexual, sexuality, shakti, submission, tantra

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