Growing into MySelf—New eBook by Thea Euryphaessa

In January 2011 writer, Thea Euryphaessa signed up ‘consciously/unconsciously’ for Shakti Tantra’s Women’s Invitation women’s workshop. Her plan was to write an article about it and leave it there. Little did she know, over the course of the next eighteen months, she’d go on to complete the entire women’s training programme which would transform her life from the bottom-up and forge a woman of substance out of her.

Growing into MySelf continues straight on from Thea’s debut memoir, Running into Myself: A Journey through the Soul of the Feat. This educational, down-to-earth, and often laugh-out-loud-funny book is essential reading for anyone interested in gaining a deeper understanding of the women’s training programme from someone versed in depth psychology, mythology, and spiritual alchemy, and/or for those who’d like to learn more about Shakti Tantra’s workshops from a participant’s perspective.

What Shakti Tantra’s originator, Hilly Spenceley says about Growing into MySelf:

‘Thea Euryphaessa’s book is an amazing journey of her soul and truly stands alone in her understanding of what Tantra is about from a deeper perspective. I would put her up there amongst other great writer such as Thomas Moore, Joseph Campbell, Marion Woodman and many others that can reach into the deeper parts of ourselves and find true meaning…. it’s a book to read from cover to cover and then dip into over and over again…. Wonderful.’

What Shakti Tantra’s co-founder, Sue Newsome says about Growing into MySelf:

‘A wonderful book that is an honest and intelligent description of Thea’s soul journey and her work with Shakti Tantra.  I encourage both men & women to read it; be touched, be informed and be inspired to take a further step towards your truth and authenticity. Thank you, Thea’.

Available to download as an eBook (only) from Troubador Publishing here: http://www.troubador.co.uk/book_info.asp?bookid=2367

Also available from Amazon, iBookstore, and all good eBook retailers.

Join the conversation at facebook.com/GrowingintoMySelf.

So, it’s finally here (a little earlier than expected) — Growing into MySelf, the follow-up to my debut memoir, Running into Myself: A Journey through the Soul of the Feat.

As with the first book, I’ve self-published. I enjoy bringing a book to fruition and retaining full control of the creative process from conception through publication. My next goal is to become a mind/body/soul publisher à la Louise Hay. That, however, depends on the success of this book. In 2006 I was a budding blogger who hadn’t written much, if anything, since secondary school. Never did I imagine that, seven years later, I’d be the author of two books. Who knows what the next several years will bring?

One of the advantages of eBooks is you get to catch any kinks and knots before it (fingers crossed) goes to print. Thanks to last minute ‘fettering,’ a few minor typos sneaked through (that’ll teach me for mucking about with the text after the sub-editor and proofreaders have looked it over). Still, considering the book is 127,285 words long, I guess I should go easy on myself. So, I’m well aware an ‘s’ is missing off the end of a word, that I change tense halfway through a paragraph, that there is an ‘is’ rather than an ‘as’ in a quote, an ‘of’ rather than an ‘or,’ and a ‘who’ rather than ‘how.’ Minor stuff, but still pins in my perfectionistic eyes!

All I ask is, if you enjoy it, (please) tell your friends. Word of mouth is an author’s best friend. And, wherever possible, please purchase the book direct from my publisher’s website:

Buy Growing into MySelf direct from Troubador Publishing

You have no idea how the likes of Amazon screw authors over — especially self-published ones. For those with Kindles, the book will be available on Amazon in the next couple of days and will gradually roll out across all eRetailers over the coming days and weeks.

Thanks for your support.

Thea

***

Growing into MySelf synopsis:

Do you have the courage to explore yourself with total honesty; to accept yourself, soul through bone; to ignore conventional expectations and be true to your inner Self, no matter what?

In her debut memoir, Running Into Myself: A Journey Through the Soul of the Feat, Thea Euryphaessa revealed how a seemingly random impulse to sign her unfit, overweight body onto three marathons helped her to overcome depression and abandon the well-worn road of the mundane 9-to-5 for the rockier path of the more meaningful unknown.

Now, Growing into MySelf follows her as she comes full circle in her transformational Hero’s Journey, submitting to the deeper, darker realm of soul, sex, and an uncertain relationship, framed by a series of five Tantra workshops that Thea undertakes over the course of eighteen months.

Continuing to explore myth, archetypes, dreams, and depth psychology, Thea learns to surrender to the body’s wisdom while also embracing intellect in her quest to become sexually confident and psychologically whole—in short, a woman of substance.

Art of Sex

The original cave paintings, such as those at Lascaux in France, were about personal and tribal power. The power to hunt, to possess, to dominate.

Like the power to ‘name’ an object, to be able to represent an object of desire, such as the hunted animal, gave the artist / shaman a special role in the tribe. In capturing the essence of the desired animal on the cave wall, it’s very being was owned by the hunter, aiding its capture in the hunt. Art and ‘representation’ has come a long way since then. The power to represent still holds a curious fascination for many, a special status of the artist. Art is everywhere and in many ways is indefinable as to what it actually is.

Sex and erotica have always been subjects which artists like to explore. For example temples in India are adorned with friezes showing explicit physical sex, the like of which would be banned in Europe or the Western World with its notions of shame around this subject. During the Reformation in Europe imagery and sculpture even suggestive of sex, paganism and images of women particularly were defaced and / or removed from architecture. Erotic art, celebrating sex, the art of love, passion and beauty is to all intents and purposes inseparable from pornography in the West. One person’s ‘beauty’ is to another a detestable and disgusting exhibition of perversity.

There is much art made around the subject of sex. In this article I would like to gather and exhibit some of it for you to enjoy.

Due to copyright issues I have presented these examples as links which open a website in a new tab. Please be aware that these links contain adult material and are suitable for over 18′s only.

If you would like to add to this ‘art of sex’ portal please write into the comments box below this article. Please note that these comments are human moderated and entering spam links will prevent you from making future comments.

Judy Chicago’s Dinner Party: The Dinner Party is an installation artwork by feminist artist Judy Chicago depicting place settings for 39 mythical and historical famous women. It was produced from 1974 to 1979 as a collaboration and was first exhibited in 1979. Subsequently, despite art world resistance, it toured to 16 venues in 6 countries on 3 continents to a viewing audience of 15 million. Since 2007 it has been on permanent exhibition at the Brooklyn Museum, New York City, United States of America. (Wikipedia) http://www.brooklynmuseum.org/eascfa/dinner_party/home.php

Make your own penis sculpture: The original penis casting sculptor was Cynthia Plaster Caster; who developed a name for herself in the 1960’s by casting simple plaster copies of rock musician’s penises. These sculpted penis copies were merely show-pieces and not intended for actual use, but a fun idea. Since then, penis casting materials and penis sculpture technology have dramatically improved, leading to the finely detailed, flesh-like penis casting kits available today - like The Original Create-A-Mate Penis Sculpture and Penis Casting System. The first web site to have sold or mentioned an actual ‘Penis Molding Kit’ appeared in 1997. The first mention of such a penis sculpture kit in the press, as well as the first to publicly go on sale in a store, was in 1998, reflected in an issue of the San Francisco Bay Guardian followed by an article in Playgirl Magazine. http://www.createamate.plazadiscounts.com/

Georgia O’Keeffe: Born near Sun Prairie, Wisconsin, O’Keeffe first came to the attention of the New York art community in 1916, several decades before women had gained access to art training in America’s colleges and universities.
She made large-format paintings of enlarged blossoms, presenting them close up as if seen through a magnifying lens, and New York buildings, most of which date from the same decade. Beginning in 1929, when she first began working part of the year in Northern New Mexico—which she made her permanent home in 1949—O’Keeffe depicted subjects specific to that area. O’Keeffe turned to working more representationally in the 1920s in an effort to move her critics away from Freudian interpretations. Her earlier work had been mostly abstract, but works such as Black Iris III (1926) evoke a veiled representation of female genitalia while also accurately depicting the center of an iris. O’Keeffe consistently denied the validity of Freudian interpretations of her art, but fifty years after it had first been interpreted in that way, many prominent feminist artists assessed her work similarly — in essential terms — such as Judy Chicago, who gave O’Keeffe a prominent place in her The Dinner Party. Although 1970s feminists celebrated O’Keeffe as the originator of “female iconography”, O’Keeffe rejected their celebration of her work and refused to cooperate with any of their projects. (Wikipedia) http://www.okeeffemuseum.org/natural-and-still-life-forms.html

Katie Sarra: Katie Sarra is a Fine artist, performance artist, playback Theatre performer, writer, Tantra teacher, Tantric/Shamanic/psychotherapy sex and relationship therapist and sex educator. She facilitates workshops and individual Tantric journeys with men and women. Through her playful and uniquely personal approach she invites you to explore body image, intimacy and conscious sexuality. Katie offers body painting experiences publicly and privately and exhibits her sea paintings and animal/dream paintings which can be seen currently in her Gallery Xplore in Devon. http://katiesarra.com/creating/yoni/ (link to United States of Yoni gallery)

Bodypainting example Craig Tracy: Considered a cornerstone in Bodypaintings progressive movement, today Craig Tracy Bodypaints exclusively as well he owns and operates the very first art gallery in the world dedicated to fine art Bodypainted images. The gallery allows even the most seasoned art collectors and novices alike to see and experience first hand what Bodypainting is ultimately capable of expressing. With a passionate and pioneering spirit Craig personally meets and educates hundreds of people each week in the gallery. The Craig Tracy Gallery is filled with spectacular photographic, paper and canvas prints as well there are numerous videos of the process and books that focus on this art form. http://www.craigtracy.com/gallery.html

Bodyprinting example Angela White: The concept of the many layers of our life experiences forming our physical, spiritual and emotional identity lends itself to creating and adding layers of visual depth and density in my art work. It is through this process of using layers of memory that I incorporate art materials- including encaustic, oil and mixed media-to record the journeys, turning points and return to a new beginning. http://www.angelawhiteart.com/pages/figurative/image01.htm

Bodycasting example Richard Neal: Richard Neal is one of Britain’s leading life-casters and his work is internationally recognized within this unique art form. It is held in various private collections in Great Britain, Europe, Canada and the USA and is also represented in the only two Lifecasting museums in America.
Richard’s three dimensional art is both figurative and representational. It can be produced in bronze, gypsum, ceramics and molten pewter with its amazing finish. His work has been described as original, exclusive, stylish, and unique. His alternative approach to lifecasting, opens up the opportunity to people, who in their eyes, may not be the perfect shape. Richard’s inventive methods, can if required, minutely, delicately, and of course, discreetly, enhance the piece to make them more aesthetically pleasing to the eye. http://www.lifesculptures.co.uk/galleries.asp

Mobile Female Monument 2007 – Mimosa Pale’s Pussy Wagon: An interactive performance sculpture on wheels. Was on show, may 2007, in Tennispalatsi Art Museum Helsinki, and was taken for a walk from there every second day. Passers by could enter the sculpture, there was enough space for an adult to lie down. The “pussy wagon” as people started to call it, was made of silicone and foam plastic, inside upholstery was made of satin. When lying inside one could play the strings that were tensioned from one wall to the other. Also people outside could rock the soft sculpture from outside, which made a special experience for the one lying inside. Facebook link to ‘Pussy Wagon’ photo here.

Wicked Wanda

It was whilst researching key search words for Shakti Tantra’s search engine optimisation that I came across the ‘Mysterious Case of British Spanking’.

Now I am not a practitioner of bondage, sadomasochism, punishment, torture and the like, but I can understand more and more why people might enjoy such things, particularly now they are being popularized by the erotic novel ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ which has, as I write, sold more than 20 million copies worldwide. One aspect of S & M involves interacting with feelings of domination and subordination that are formed at a very early age. These feelings, which are ‘set in stone’ so young, before a person has rational capabilities, are central to our self-concept as individuals and should certainly be explored.

Other aspects of S & M help to build trust and increase awareness of the power between partners in a relationship and can even provide playful ways to adventure into these. Some of my more expert friends tell me that ‘deeper in’ these practices are harnessed to drive them to states of high energy and even ecstasy.

But this is miles from someone who wants a good spanking because they feel guilty and require punishment.

I found out that around a million times a month the search word ‘spanking’ seems to be entered into Google in the UK and that in many other parts of the world people are searching online for what is known as ‘British Spanking’.

Now as a British person I feel slightly at a loss to know what might differentiate an ordinary spanking from a British Spanking. I can only imagine that it might have something to do with the foreign perception that perhaps us Brits are somewhat repressed and repressive with our ‘stiff upper lips’, Nannies, Matrons and fascination with Margaret Thatcher.

Our public boarding schools and, as a result, public bodies, are a hotbed of bullying and power relationships based on discipline, reward and punishment. ‘Fagging’ in public school, where young children serve older children, is a virtual slave system based on power.

Our class system creates hierarchies and self-limiting concepts where people ‘know their place’ and are expected to stay there. It exists to perpetuate conformity and to stop people questioning authority through fear of punishment.

It’s hardly surprising then that this system of control so central to our culture has resulted in ‘repressions’ that might emerge in a need to feel punished and expiated of guilt. For some Brits, one suspects, a British Spanking might be a form of reward because at least the receiver is getting some attention from a ‘parent’ or authority figure.

It also seems a shame that some of the deeper ‘tantric’ effects of experimenting with S&M within a consensual and trusting relationship may be hidden through this ‘desire for punishment’ and its popularization through media.

What do you think? Perhaps if you have had a good British Spanking you could tell us about it in the comments box below? If you use S&M within your relationship to provoke a deeper understanding or find ecstatic union – perhaps you could share a comment below?

Image: Oh, Wicked Wanda! was a British full-color, satirical adult comic strip, written by Frederic Mullally, and drawn by Ron Embleton. The strip regularly appeared in Penthouse magazine from 1973 to 1980. In the 1960s, Ron Embleton, already a veteran comic book artist, had worked extensively for TV Century 21 comic, illustrating stories based on the television programmes Stingray, Thunderbirds, and Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons, amongst others. For Wicked Wanda Embleton painted the panels in watercolour.

From Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicked_Wanda

It was on a Shakti Tantra course called ‘Innocence’ that a strange Goddess was revealed to me.

She had six faces, six yonis and twelve breasts, arms and legs and she rotated in front of me, spinning slowly like a planet in space. She danced, she smiled and laughed, she grimaced, she cavorted and contorted. It was truly a thing to behold.

In the Western World these days, Goddesses aren’t often spoken of. But 1000 years ago in Europe, pre-Christian tribes originally had a Goddess culture – a matriarchy where the earth and nature and their cycles and secrets were revered.

Around the tenth century in Europe – after the so called ‘Dark Ages’ – women, the original stewards of the land (men did ‘animal husbandry’), were dispossessed of it by the new patriarchies of the Church and State. This male hierarchy hid the things they were most afraid of, namely the fact that it is women who hold the key to the processes and powers of making life. During the Reformation in Europe much of this information was simply ‘removed’. Documents were destroyed and churches vandalised of their feminine influences.

The male hierarchy took these powers of life as their own, creating mysterious alchemies to prove it. They decreed laws about how we should behave, imposing religious control and inventing ‘original sin’ for women. Allied to this there came a persecution of women, especially any of those involved in healing and spiritual matters. Essentially the role of women as healers and midwives was marginalized. This is still reflected today as ‘home-making’ and its many associated skills are still regarded as a ‘worthless’ career according to our primarily fiscal values based on GDP.

In the great ‘Age of Reason’ the philosophy of ‘Cartesian dualism’ became part of our science, where the being and the body are seen as essentially separate. The ‘self’, the conscious being that is ‘me’ was seen as essentially separate. This philosophy contributed to the mechanistic and rational philosophy of the universe adopted by our culture. It took us further from valuing the role of women in healing and spiritual matters.

A recent series on BBC 2 called Divine Women, put the ordination of women in spiritual matters into an historical context. In this programme Bettany Hughes revealed “the hidden history of women in religion, from dominatrix goddesses to feisty political operators and warrior empresses”.

The first in the series, called ‘When God Was A Girl’ identified early goddesses in Turkey, Greece, Rome and India. The second of the series was called ‘The Handmaids of God’ and explored women as priestess, from the poetry of Sappho to Vestal Virgins in Rome and the elevated role of women in the early Christian church. Programme Three ‘The War of the Word’ explored how women used the power of ancient traditions and new ideas about religion and philosophy to wield influence in a man’s world – notably through the power of reform, education and the word.

One of the messages of tantra is to help us to recognise the divine within ourselves, to lead us on a journey to find our inner Gods and Goddesses, Shivas and Shaktis. It seems no coincidence, in the context of history, that many of the teachers and leaders within tantra are women.

In the mainstream though, discussions around the ordination of women as priests are far from being resolved, especially in the Catholic church. Hardcore Catholics still view a female vicar as something impossible, like a man who has babies. Women, they say, are just not made to be priests and vicars.

Well, at Shakti Tantra, it is quite clear that women are made to be not just ‘priests and vicars’ in the widest sense (ie not for organised religion) but also Goddesses. I know this because I have seen them.

1. Make lots of time to get in the mood and start things slowly.

Although a ‘quicky’ may occasionally be an enjoyable sexual event, so is taking the time to make a whole day of loving romance and savouring the moments.

2. Consciously put your attention into giving and receiving touch.

My partner and I spent ages testing out sofas on which we could sit together in comfort and massage each other’s feet at the end of the day. This is a touching event we enjoy greatly. Touching can take many forms and making the time and to give and receive good touch attention enhances the whole relationship experience.

3. Put some time into looking and feeling your best.

In so many ways it is good to love yourself before you love somebody else. If you don’t feel good about yourself, how can you expect them to? Treat yourself to things that make you feel gorgeous, a long hot bath, a spa day, get your hair and nails done.

4. Make sure that you smell delicious.

I’m not talking about ‘the Lynx Effect’ here, where everyone smothers themselves in perfume and has an orgy. Some people (including me) really dislike perfume and prefer the subtle and natural animal smells of a hot, clean, human. Personal hygiene is essential but if you have to apply smells keep them subtle and natural.

5. Concentrate on being a great communicator.

Many people forget that the best part of being a great communicator is being a good listener. There are many skills associated with this such as appropriate eye contact, giving feedback to show that you are listening, asking questions to show genuine interest in what the other person is saying. Only a tiny part of what we mean by words gets through; how we say it and the non-verbal aspects of speech convey much more than the words we choose.

6. Make sure that you can enjoy sharing some activities together.

He takes her out to football, she takes him shopping. They both put up with it. Make sure that the activities that you choose to do together can be enjoyed by both of you. For example, reading each other erotic stories is great fun.

7. Consciously make a time for romance.

It is very hard at home sometimes to make time for each other. Children, cooking, cleaning, DIY and the whole gamut of chores can take all of your time. Make some sacred space. You can do this by planning a special time away, enrol on a course with Shakti Tantra.

8. Prepare a beautiful and sacred space away from interruption.

Turn your bedroom or a spare room into a temple of love where you can hide away and give each other some proper attention.

9. Be prepared enough that you can enjoy being spontaneous.

Although you might think that too much planning can ruin spontaneity and fun, there is another way to think about this. If you use the example of Jazz music, this creates a framework within which the contributors can improvise, so to a certain extent planning can increase the opportunity for spontaneity and fun.

10. Let go and really enjoy yourself.

Some people seem to let go of themselves easily and make a lot of noise. But being able to let go can be hard for quieter types. Take the opportunity to work at letting go. This is just the sort of thing with which a Tantra course with Shakti Tantra can help you.

Long gone are the days when a mention of ‘tantric sex’ aroused slightly smutty smiles and mentions of Sting and Trudy keeping it up all night. Tantra is breaking out all over with a proliferation of courses available from ever-growing sources. Tantra is regarded as a serious spiritual practice, which, unlike most major global religions, integrates rather than denies human sexuality, pleasure and fun. Shakti Tantra was one of the earliest tantra schools in the UK and its teachers have amassed a great wealth of experience regarding the teachings of tantra and tantric sex.

Tantric sex doesn’t necessarily have much to do with acts of penetrative sex – it can be as simple as sharing and enjoying a meal, going for a walk or just enjoying how each other look. One thing that separates tantric sex from ‘ordinary’ sex is the quality of attention that is brought to it. Although I have heard someone describe tantra as ‘The McDonalds of Enlightenment’ don’t be fooled into thinking that a journey into tantric sex is just a superficial thrill. The practice of Tantra is older, and deeper, than most world religions. Even a dip into Osho’s ‘Book of Secrets’ will give you months of ‘food for thought’. Your first tantra course is something to be very excited about.

In tantric sex the practice of interaction between partners (at many levels) is rendered sacred by the reverence and attention given to it. The practices honour the body as a divine temple. Tantric sex honours ‘the other’ as a gateway to God. It is a devotional act, combining sexuality and spirituality. When sexuality is combined with the heart and the whole conscious attention, new worlds come into play and transcendence becomes a possibility for each partner. Even enjoying sexual activity alone can be enhanced by tantric practises. Compared to the repressions promoted by standard religions, practising tantra is like growing wings.

The proliferation of courses has led to a lot of people experiencing and enjoying tantra – even to the extent that there are now Tantra specific dating agencies who can hook you up with another Tantrika. After all, once you have experienced the enhanced connections of Tantric sex and other meditations, mere mortal sex pales into insignificance. As Boy George said: “I’d rather have a cup of tea”.

Take a look around this Shakti Tantra website and find a course that suits your level. Read what people are saying and know that signing up for one of our courses is something you will never regret.

Chakra meditation presupposes that there are energy systems at work in the body not yet recognised by Western Medicine. Nowhere is the gap between traditional Chinese and Western medicine clearer in terms of basic philosophy, than in acupuncture. The World Health Organisation reported as long ago as 1979 that:

“The sheer weight of evidence demands that acupuncture must be taken seriously as a clinical procedure of considerable value”.

Research has, somewhat grudgingly shown at least meridian energy systems at work in the body. Studies exist on the anatomic nature of the meridian system, using radioactive isotopes injected into acupoints (Pierre de Vernejoul). A gamma camera showed that the isotope migrated along classical Chinese acupuncture meridian pathways for 30cm in 4 to 6 minutes. Isotopic injections into other ‘random’ parts of the body didn’t show the same results.

The acupuncture meridian system is seen as an interface between the physical body and the energy body. Through this Chinese medicine is more concerned with treating the whole person and less concerned with focus on the obvious problem, how the disease manifests which seems to fixate the practitioners of Western Medicine.

Experiments with MRI machines and acupuncture show something to be going on in the brain during treatment. Doctor Kathy Sykes is presenting us with scientific proof of how acupuncture and therefore other meridian-based interventions might work. In what can only be described as a ‘breakthrough experiment’, she found evidence of an effect of acupuncture on the brain’s limbic system, also known as the mammalian hind brain. Combining on-the-spot acupuncture with an MRI scanner we were able to view the direct effect of acupuncture for ourselves in calming areas of the limbic brain.

As yet though ‘chakras’ and energy medicine are an anomaly to the Western culture of rational positivism. This is a shame because lots of people are having immense fun playing, energising and experimenting with their chakras.

There are many factions who don’t quite agree about chakras – whether they should have associated colours or not, whether their sound element should be expressed in vocal mantras or defined by a scientific definition of tone, even to exactly where they are in the body. Chakras seem to have gemstones, aromas, planets, metals, elements, flowers, senses and mantras associated with them, which can all be used to aid visualisations and meditations. Although of course, some people don’t agree with this.

On the whole though, chakras are seen as energy centres, residing in and perhaps ruling over various areas of body and feelings. A Chakra Meditation can therefore take many forms but works around activating energy in the body.

To go with this article written especially for Shakti Tantra I have made a free, downloadable, mp3, Chakra meditation using sound, as an example. Some schools of thought insist on specific tones for each chakra but my feelings are that the harmonic relationships are probably more important than some kind of standardised set of rules. The ancient Solfeggio system defines a range of tones, one of  which I have associated with each chakra. I have ‘phased’ these sounds to make them sound like they are spinning. Please make sure that you are sitting or lying comfortably, with your spine straight, to enjoy this chakra meditation.

Right-click the download link (windows) and save it where you want on your computer or Mp3 player. If you have a player on your computer, the Chakra Meditation Mp3 should open and play automatically when you click it.

Download Mp3 Chakra Meditation from Shakti Tantra

Procreation of the species might seem to be the main function of sex but it would be a shame to limit sexual activity just to this. Sex has many purposes. It can be a form of pleasure or fun, an expression of deep love or lust, great exercise, allowing couples or singles to vent energy and diminish frustration. Sex has the rare attribute of being something that one can do together, on one’s own, that is still free. Quite amazing in this day and age but don’t tell the government as they will probably start planning an orgasm tax.

But sex, or at least sexual energy is also a route to personal enlightenment and there is a whole heap of fun and pleasure to be had on this journey. I started my tantric journey about 9 years ago as a single person and I have been in a monogamous relationship for 4 years now – sharing my journey with a partner. Now I can’t tell you what tantra is, it seems to be many things to many people. It is indefinable on one level because it is a journey based almost entirely in personal experience – it combines body and mind, emotion and spirit, it is learning on a level far more profound than anything I ever got through formal education.

On my journey I have met quite a few people who tell you ‘you must go through the pain’, ‘need to swim the moat to reach the castle, or ‘have to climb the mountain to get to the top’. Ignore these people, they are simply trying to pre-empt your experience by imposing their own – in short, a power trip. Although tantra has highlighted ‘areas for adjustment’ in our relationship we have found it to be primarily an experience of pleasure, fun and joy.

So when the hot fire of your sex energy rises from your root chakra and the icy calm of the stars descends from your crown to meet in the crucible of your heart – you are as likely to laugh as to cry – maybe even both!

Sex for its own sake was great fun when I was young, but even then I yearned for something else I couldn’t see and didn’t know – a deeper connection. In middle age I am so happy to find an energy dimension to sexual activity with my partner which enhances not just my relationship but my whole being. Major religions just don’t seem to touch on this area and seem in complete denial about our physicality let alone sexuality as beings. Tantra has integrated my being in so many ways I couldn’t imagine life without it now. Although it is certainly not a religion it is a way of life that seems to open many doors, not least the one marked ‘Sex is for…’

Simon Mitchell

Thea Euryphaessa, Founder, Urban Deva

If there’s one thing that tires (read: bores) me more than anything, it’s the press’s mind-numbingly predictable, tittilatingly-sensationalised coverage of all things Tantra related. The words ‘Sting’ and ‘go at it for hours’ spring to mind. You see, when it comes to sex and sensuality we’re a prudish lot. Although we like to think we’re sexually liberated and laid-back, we’re mostly fearful, uptight, and embarrassed when it comes to sexual matters.

We’re also terrified of intimacy. Speaking from my own experience, it never fails to surprise me how insecure and inhibited men also are once they’re undressed and in a sexual situation. I’ve seen penises retreat so far inside bodies I’m surprised they’ve not popped out the other side. Men, it seems, carry as many sexual hang-ups and bodily insecurities as women despite their bravado to the contrary.

You see, no-one teaches us about sex. In fact, no-one even teaches us about our bodies and the intricacies of our intimacies. And so, we stumble and fumble in the darkness beneath the duvet or in candlelight (if we’re feeling adventurous). Although men regularly handle their ‘vajras’ (Tantric term for penis) when they pee, and women may entertain their ‘yonis’ (vagina) with a Rampant Rabbit or, horror of horrors, their fingers if they dare touch themselves ‘down there’, the potentialities of our sexual centres remain a relative mystery.

My interest in Tantra stretches back five years. In fact, it probably reaches all the way back to my early twenties (albeit unconsciously) when Sex and the City first ever aired in the UK. I watched the girls’ every move, eavesdropped on their conversations in an attempt to learn all they knew about sex. Why? Because I already knew something was amiss in my own sex life — I either wasn’t consciously connecting with partners, or was going through well-rehearsed techniques and rote routine. Whatever, sex was a tense, orgasm-focussed, BANG-BANG-BANG event rather than a juicy, sensually erotic opportunity to enjoy the experience in and of itself.

But with sex education limited to a half-arsed book and a biology class on the reproductive system, I was pretty much left to my own devices. And so it continued until early 2007 when a friend emailed me details of a talk being given to a group of women about Tantra by an organisation called Shakti Tantra. Intrigued, I went along. Although my curiosity was piqued, it would be another four years before I finally wound up on one of their ‘Women’s Invitation’ weekend-long courses — last weekend to be exact.

Thea Euryphaessa,
Founder, Urban Deva

Can good sex be taught? – Psychologies Magazine – September 2010

Sex classes are not longer just for those with problems – or exotic tastes.  They can help anyone who wants to make good sex better, and more and more of us are signing up.  Viki Wilson discovers why.

What’s a sex workshop really like?

Nicci Talbot, 35, a women’s health writer (inrudehealth.com), attended a workshop with her partner Matt at Shakti Tantra.

Our sex life had become a little routine, so when a friend recommended a workshop, I persuaded Matt to try it.  I’ve tried sensual massage courses and was less embarrassed about the workshop, but it was out of Matt’s comfort zone to have a private session with just us and the instructors, Sue and Martin.  I did feel nervous for him because I knew he was there on my behalf.

The workshop took place in a light-filled studio covered with cushions, rich colours and sensual art.  Matt was wearing only boxers and I was wearing knickers and a top.  We began with a hugging exercise, designed to help us explore how we liked to be held, before moving onto written exercises where we presented in a positive way what we wanted from our sex life, acknowledged current obstacles, such as too much TV, and agreed to a realistic plan to make changes, including making time for massage.

The most intimate exercise was called Directed Pleasuring – touching and saying how we would like to be touched, which the other person had to follow.  We did this using different props – kissing, massage or using feathers and silk.

What was nice was that Sue and Martin did the exercises with us, which made us less self-conscious and intensified the session; I found it a turn-on to watch a couple who are really into each other.  I could see they were very comfortable with the situation, which was inspiring.  We were a little bit more inhibited, of course.  But it was rewarding and quite arousing to see how they communicate and to watch them touch.  Of course you don’t always have the time or energy to do a massage for two hours a night so we were given some sensual short cuts to try, such as ‘Meetings’ – (* see below), an effective way to stay connected and keep the energy flowing between the two of us.

The workshop revealed barriers in our sex life that we hadn’t thought were there.  I realised that I find it hard to ask for what I want in bed.  I tend to put Matt’s needs before my own, and this makes me feel frustrated, which build up to cause tension.  If I know that he doesn’t enjoy doing something, like kissing for example, then it’s hard for me to ask for it and relax and enjoy the experience.

We’ve made practical changes since the workshop, such as fewer evenings spent working and more time relaxing together, but we’ve also started doing more physical things together, such as running, walking and going horse riding.  The exhilaration and closeness that come from these activities transfer to our sex life.

A workshop is a great way to invest in your relationship and explore it.  We do courses for our career but don’t think about investing in our sex lives, or in each other the same way.

* Meetings – after a day apart, simply greet each other with eye contact and a hug.  It’s a small daily ritual that connects you physically and emotionally.