Sue Newsome: 07866 520352

I want to share a recent experience which links me back to the start of my love affair with tantra.  Over 12 years ago, I clearly remember sitting in my first workshop and feeling that so many of the structures that I had learnt and experienced were so applicable to many people in my life.   Consequently I put on my tantric uniform of a pair of embroidered wrap-around trousers and a top adorned with beads and bells and eagerly tried to spread the word of tantra and persuade everyone to sign-up to a workshop.  When my enthusiasm was met with raised eyebrows, nervous giggles and the occasional damming judgement, I realised that this was a mirror of society’s confusion, shame and fear around sex.

I then focused on my own learning and, as my relationship with tantra deepened, I planted a very small seed of yearning deep within my being.  My dream was to be able to stand with confidence, authority and credibility and talk about how our work within Shakti Tantra can be translated and widely applied to individuals and couples with relationship and sexual difficulties.  I had a sense of translating the teachings to make them more accessible for different groups in society.  The gestation time for this dream has been long as I have learnt, questioned and re-learnt every aspect of my understanding.  Recently this dream was realised when I was invited to present to a group of NHS professionals who were interested in hearing how bodywork can be used as a therapeutic option.  This felt like a fantastic opportunity and I drew on all of my knowledge and experience to present aspects of our work as viable treatments for sexual difficulties.  During the talk, I used my nervousness and excitement to fuel my passion and conviction and I felt immensely proud as I presented to an attentive audience of doctors, nurses, psychologists and psychotherapists.  They listened, nodded and asked relevant and meaningful questions – it felt like such a breakthrough – a significant step in taking the work of Shakti Tantra to the NHS.

Sue Newsome, Shakti Tantra

September 2011

Procreation of the species might seem to be the main function of sex but it would be a shame to limit sexual activity just to this. Sex has many purposes. It can be a form of pleasure or fun, an expression of deep love or lust, great exercise, allowing couples or singles to vent energy and diminish frustration. Sex has the rare attribute of being something that one can do together, on one’s own, that is still free. Quite amazing in this day and age but don’t tell the government as they will probably start planning an orgasm tax.

But sex, or at least sexual energy is also a route to personal enlightenment and there is a whole heap of fun and pleasure to be had on this journey. I started my tantric journey about 9 years ago as a single person and I have been in a monogamous relationship for 4 years now – sharing my journey with a partner. Now I can’t tell you what tantra is, it seems to be many things to many people. It is indefinable on one level because it is a journey based almost entirely in personal experience – it combines body and mind, emotion and spirit, it is learning on a level far more profound than anything I ever got through formal education.

On my journey I have met quite a few people who tell you ‘you must go through the pain’, ‘need to swim the moat to reach the castle, or ‘have to climb the mountain to get to the top’. Ignore these people, they are simply trying to pre-empt your experience by imposing their own – in short, a power trip. Although tantra has highlighted ‘areas for adjustment’ in our relationship we have found it to be primarily an experience of pleasure, fun and joy.

So when the hot fire of your sex energy rises from your root chakra and the icy calm of the stars descends from your crown to meet in the crucible of your heart – you are as likely to laugh as to cry – maybe even both!

Sex for its own sake was great fun when I was young, but even then I yearned for something else I couldn’t see and didn’t know – a deeper connection. In middle age I am so happy to find an energy dimension to sexual activity with my partner which enhances not just my relationship but my whole being. Major religions just don’t seem to touch on this area and seem in complete denial about our physicality let alone sexuality as beings. Tantra has integrated my being in so many ways I couldn’t imagine life without it now. Although it is certainly not a religion it is a way of life that seems to open many doors, not least the one marked ‘Sex is for…’

Simon Mitchell

Women’s Celebration

“The feminine has slower rhythms, meanders, moves in spirals, turns back on herself, finds what is meaningful to her, and plays.” — Marion Woodman

So, my Tantra journey continues with level two of Shakti Tantra’s workshop for women, Women’s Celebration. I’ll be honest, after doing level one (Women’s Invitation) I was surprised to discover there were four more levels. ‘How much deeper can the work go?’ I thought. Turns out deeper.

Much deeper.

This work reminds me of Russian dolls: you crack open one to find another woman nesting within. Each doll represents a deeper, more authentic, more passionate, juicy, and vital self you’d have never discovered had you not done this work.

You could spend years talking through your issues with a counsellor, analyst, or therapist and you’d make progress for sure. Alternatively, you could work through your issues in what I consider to be the most powerful experiential setting available in the UK today with the most courageous, supportive, and inspiring women you’re ever likely to meet.

From my ongoing studies of depth psychology I’m familiar with Jungian analyst and bestselling author, Marion Woodman’s BodySoul work and its offshoots. As a staunch believer of the dictum ‘Talking is fun, but doing gets done’, I know the value of consciously including the body when it comes to facing and tackling deep-held conscious/unconscious issues. Talking will carry you so far, but when it comes to certain psychological issues there are times when you just have to bypass the rational logical mind and approach it physically.

I’ve seen countless folk talk themselves out of relationship with their bodies, terrified of feeling, terrified of being fully present in their bodies. I know because I was one of them. They retreat up into the safety of the head and stay there. Meanwhile, the body becomes nothing more than an unconscious stick used to prop up the head, a mass of unconscious flesh. Thing is, the mind isn’t located in the brain. The mind is located in every single cell of the body. And that’s where this work comes into its own.

Even if you don’t consciously know what the issue is — what’s holding you back, restricting you, inhibiting you — it doesn’t matter. This work goes straight to the heart of the matter — that ‘matter’ being your body. And remember, the word ‘matter’ shares its roots with ‘mater’ which means ‘mother’. This, therefore, is healing at the deepest, most profound level imaginable.

I love this work because it cuts to the chase and releases you from any false illusions you may have had about yourself, leaving the mind reeling in its wake. That doesn’t mean you can’t consciously reflect on what you experienced afterwards and draw your necessary lessons etc. My point is, once you do this work your relationship with your Self and your body is changed forever and will never be the same.

Bring on level three.

Thea Euryphaessa, Founder, Urban Deva

To buy a copy of Running into Myself, visit Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better still, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here: Running into Myself (also ships worldwide). Also available to download on Kindle.

“Thea’s personal journey is utterly compelling. I couldn’t put her book down. Thea manages to make Greek mythology not only understandable, interesting, and relevant to our lives today, but shows how it can be utilised as a tool for self development. She introduces ideas and ways of thinking that broaden your mind, and lights the way for others to follow.”

— Melinda Messenger (TV Presenter)

“This is a story that truly reveals its author. You’ll discover her beliefs, her flaws, her loves, her fears, her mistakes, her drive and her compassion. And you’ll like her.”

— Rowena Forbes (Journalist)

Comments

Thea, you are so right, I wish I could have put it so well myself, as a fellow traveller and marveller. All women really ’should’ do this – yeah, I know, that word, but hey, I’m old and can say what I fuckin’ like!!!

Comment by Jill Greig — June 21, 2011 @ 6:12 pm

Ha ha ha, love it! But you are so right – every woman ’should’ do it. I banged on about that in my first Shakti Tantra workshop review (Women’s Invitation) ‘Of Womanhood, heir’. It’s a privilege sharing this wild ride with you chica. xo

Comment by urbandeva — June 21, 2011 @ 6:56 pm

Hey Thea, Love reading your thoughts on Women’s Celebration. The Russian Dolls analogy is beautiful. I fell into a dream on Monday night following return from the course – and had the words ‘psychic avalanche’ in my dream! It is beautiful & powerful & opens all chakras. What a privilege to meet you & to have stumbled across your captivating energy – and huge, happy smile. I am so excited to continue reading your book. It is gorgeous – and is giving me the insight to write – as a journey of personal transformation. Thank you Thea. My petals are unfolding & my soul is healing and deepening following our women’s mystery retreat. Lets play out together real soon honey xxxx

Comment by Paula Hickman — June 22, 2011 @ 11:14 am

Hey Paula, thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to share – I really appreciate your gorgeously generous words. Just want to squeeze you! ‘Psychic avalanche’ eh? What a fabulous dream! Sounds as though you’re getting more deeply acquainted with your own ‘intimate noise’ and reconnecting with yourself at an even deeper level? So wonderful to hear of your continued blossoming. I’m honoured to walk this path with you and feel very humbled. Your courage has been, and continues to be, inspiring.

Let’s definitely play out soon. It’d be lovely to go to my Reiki teacher’s place with you and enjoy an afternoon of healing and relaxing. I reckon you’d revel in the energy.

Sending you oodles of love and kisses darling. xox

Comment by urbandeva — June 22, 2011 @ 3:46 pm

Thea Euryphaessa, Founder, Urban Deva

I signed up for the course at the end of January somewhat absent-mindedly. I knew I wanted to do it but was busy with other stuff so didn’t really pause to consciously consider what the workshop might entail. ‘It’s with a load of other women’, I thought. ‘It’ll be fine’. Hmm…

To say the workshop was life-changing would be the understatement of the millennium. One of my very first thoughts was if every eleven year old girl did this workshop in secondary school our culture would be transformed overnight; pregnancy rates would drop and the number of sexually transmitted infections would fall as young women’s relationships with their bodies were given a solid, confident foundation from which to grow.

Contrary to the British media’s parochial fixation about Tantra solely enabling folk to have sex for hours on end while withholding orgasm and/or ejaculation, it’s actually about far more than that. It’s about healing broken relationships with the body by consciously reconnecting with oneself from the neck down at a physical and emotional level. It’s about carving away the many layers of long-held, mostly unconscious fear and bullshit, and coming into one’s true essence.

For reasons of confidentiality and in the spirit of the ancient Greek Eleusinian Mysteries, I can’t reveal specifics of what took place; suffice to say the women I attended the workshop with were among the most courageous, most supportive, most inspiring individuals I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Like me, these were women who were tired of trying to be something they weren’t or no longer wanted to be. These were women who wanted to drop the guilt, shame, and fear and face all future sexual interactions with every single cell in their body consciously engaged and with an open heart and generosity of spirit. These were women with whom I laughed and cried and am now proud to call my friends.

To be clear, none of the workshops Shakti Tantra run are for the faint of heart; rather, they’re for those who are ready to drop the crap and connect with themselves and others at the deepest, most profound level possible. Let me put it like this: Hilly, co-founder of Shakti Tantra and our workshop leader, had more presence and sexual magnetism in her little finger than many so-called glamour models have in the whole of their silicone-pumped, surgically-enhanced bodies. One seriously sexy dame. Her assistants, also, were bottomless wells of support and compassion guiding us through all the exercises with the utmost tenderness.

And the food? Did I mention the food? I don’t think I’ve ever seen such an erotic looking spread. It was the sort of stuff you want to lay all over someone and lick and pick off them at leisure. Everything about the overall experience was class. Nothing seedy or cheap. The venue, the food, the accommodation, and the teachings were all top drawer. I can’t wait for the next-level residential workshop in June.

They also run men’s, couple’s, and mixed-group workshops. Whether you go alone or with your partner; whether you’re single or in a long-established relationship, please — do yourself the biggest and best favour you could probably ever make in your life and book on one of their workshops. I guarantee it will change your life.

Thea Euryphaessa,
Founder, Urban Deva

Can good sex be taught? – Psychologies Magazine – September 2010

Sex classes are not longer just for those with problems – or exotic tastes.  They can help anyone who wants to make good sex better, and more and more of us are signing up.  Viki Wilson discovers why.

What’s a sex workshop really like?

Nicci Talbot, 35, a women’s health writer (inrudehealth.com), attended a workshop with her partner Matt at Shakti Tantra.

Our sex life had become a little routine, so when a friend recommended a workshop, I persuaded Matt to try it.  I’ve tried sensual massage courses and was less embarrassed about the workshop, but it was out of Matt’s comfort zone to have a private session with just us and the instructors, Sue and Martin.  I did feel nervous for him because I knew he was there on my behalf.

The workshop took place in a light-filled studio covered with cushions, rich colours and sensual art.  Matt was wearing only boxers and I was wearing knickers and a top.  We began with a hugging exercise, designed to help us explore how we liked to be held, before moving onto written exercises where we presented in a positive way what we wanted from our sex life, acknowledged current obstacles, such as too much TV, and agreed to a realistic plan to make changes, including making time for massage.

The most intimate exercise was called Directed Pleasuring – touching and saying how we would like to be touched, which the other person had to follow.  We did this using different props – kissing, massage or using feathers and silk.

What was nice was that Sue and Martin did the exercises with us, which made us less self-conscious and intensified the session; I found it a turn-on to watch a couple who are really into each other.  I could see they were very comfortable with the situation, which was inspiring.  We were a little bit more inhibited, of course.  But it was rewarding and quite arousing to see how they communicate and to watch them touch.  Of course you don’t always have the time or energy to do a massage for two hours a night so we were given some sensual short cuts to try, such as ‘Meetings’ – (* see below), an effective way to stay connected and keep the energy flowing between the two of us.

The workshop revealed barriers in our sex life that we hadn’t thought were there.  I realised that I find it hard to ask for what I want in bed.  I tend to put Matt’s needs before my own, and this makes me feel frustrated, which build up to cause tension.  If I know that he doesn’t enjoy doing something, like kissing for example, then it’s hard for me to ask for it and relax and enjoy the experience.

We’ve made practical changes since the workshop, such as fewer evenings spent working and more time relaxing together, but we’ve also started doing more physical things together, such as running, walking and going horse riding.  The exhilaration and closeness that come from these activities transfer to our sex life.

A workshop is a great way to invest in your relationship and explore it.  We do courses for our career but don’t think about investing in our sex lives, or in each other the same way.

* Meetings – after a day apart, simply greet each other with eye contact and a hug.  It’s a small daily ritual that connects you physically and emotionally.

BDSM is an acronym that covers three distinct areas: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sado- masochism. BDSM is one of many aspects of sexuality and although in the past has been veiled in mystery and fear, in recent years, it has become more widely known and many of the play instruments of BDSM (paddles, crops, handcuffs) are now readily available in High Street sex shops, and have created a more mainstream subset which is quite often known as tie and tease. However, for the general public and the mass media, it is still seen as being ‘kinky’ sex and is quite often portrayed as in a Carry On film.

Under the general umbrella of BDSM, many subsets of human behavior are played out, including punishment, verbal abuse, sexual role playing, dressing up, tying up and many more, but in essence, BDSM is all about the expression and use of power in relationship.

Relationship in its widest context (including personal, sexual, working, family) is the playing field on which power is expressed, used and in certain circumstances abused. BDSM brings into consciousness many of the unconscious games that are played out in relationship and allows this free expression in a safe, sane and consensual way.

BDSM does not always involve sexual play and in domination/submission activities, it may not include any physical connection at all. From the outside, BDSM can appear to be sexual abuse, violent or coercive, but in reality, when played with consciousness and agreement, it is a safe, sane arena for play. However, one potential problem that can occur with BDSM is where the person gets stuck in this one aspect of sexuality and is only able to express themselves sexually within BDSM play (in essence BDSM becomes a true fetish).

Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterised by the fact that the participants usually take on complementary, but unequal, roles. Typically, participants who are active ‘applying the activity or exercising control over others’ are known as tops or dominants and those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners, are typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals will tend to have a greater energy for one role although some will happily switch roles and it is generally good to experience both.

Martin Hellawell

In the context of BDSM, bondage involves people being tied up or otherwise restrained for pleasure. Bondage is usually, but not always, a sexual practice and can involve many different items of constraint. In this regard, a whole sub-culture exists particularly around rope tying which in its purest form becomes an art form in its own right.

The inclusion of bondage in the sex lives of ordinary people (tie and tease) almost exclusively constitutes foreplay as a way of adding a spark to a sexual relationship, where one partner is voluntarily tied-up or put into restraints (i.e. bound / cuffed / spread-eagled / possibly blindfolded etc) by the other, who then sexually pleasures the tied partner using manual masturbation, oral sex, vibrating sex toys or intercourse. In the BDSM scene bondage itself does not necessarily lead to sexual activity.

Bondage can lead into the infliction of pain (Discipline) which can be from mild spanking to more severe forms of punishment. The erotic appeal for the giver is often in the expression having power over another person by making them helpless and this in itself can be visually exciting, especially when seeing another person struggle against the constraints. The tied partner may derive pleasure from being in a largely ‘helpless’ predicament in the hands of a trusted partner, Either way, many established couples find playing bondage games relationship-affirming, as they both require and imply a level of trust between the partners that is not normally found within more casual relationships, as well as being a shared ‘private’ facet of their sex life that many couples prefer to keep just between the two of them.

Discipline is the application of rules and punishment to control behaviour and although it is normally portrayed as physical punishment, this also can include psychological punishment or loss of freedom. It is not generally understood how receiving pain can lead to pleasure, but from purely a physical point of view, there is a link. When the body receives a painful stimulation, the body reacts by releasing endorphins. They are produced by the body during strenuous exercise, excitement, pain and orgasm and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce a sense of well-being. Endorphins work as ‘natural pain relievers’. The term endorphin rush refers to feelings of exhilaration brought on by pain, danger, or other forms of stress, due to the influence of endorphins. So in itself, there is the link between pain and pleasure.

The act of imparting pain can involve many sensual impressions, and does not need toys and implements (spanking, pinching, biting, scratching) and in particular, the connection between a hand and a bottom (spanking) can be the most erotic form of punishment. The use of toys and implements can include simple household objects (pegs, wooden spoons, slippers) to the more elaborate (paddles, crops, whips etc) and moving into the application of a completely different sensation ( wax, ice cubes). The repertoire of possible ‘toys’ is limited only by the imagination of both partners.

A successful bondage and discipline session will be dependant on the competence and experience of the giver and the physical and mental state of the receiver at the time of the session. Trust and sexual arousal help the partners enter a shared mindset with the receiver potentially experiencing an altered state of mind known as ‘sub space’ which can leave a lasting impression.

Martin Hellawell

For personal sessions of erotic bondage please see our ‘private’ page

This is a set of behaviors, customs and rituals relating to the giving and accepting of dominance of one individual over another in a sexual or lifestyle context. It is sometimes referred to as master or mistress/slave.

In Domination and Submission (DS), there is pleasure (which may be erotic) in either dominating another person or being dominated. In the broader sense, DS has been a continuing theme in human nature and in almost every culture, over time there are examples of DS at work as part of the very fabric of society. This is true of the current day as well as of history.

The play of DS in a relationship is virtually limitless and the activities take many forms. These may include:

• sexual slavery
• verbal humiliation
• cross dressing
• de-humanisation (pony play, dog play)
• domestic servitude or consensual slavery
• cuckoldry
• humiliating acts (foot worship) etc

Some DS relationships are sexual, others completely chaste and may be acted out over the telephone, by e-mail etc. In some DS relationships a partner only submits occasionally perhaps for an evening or the duration of a party, whereas in other relationships, there may be an ongoing contract to the point where it becomes continuous ’24/7′.
Fantasy role play can also be a part, with partners taking classic DS, or classic authority figure roles such as teacher/student, police officer/suspect, priest/acolyte or parent/child.

Martin Hellawell