“The symbol of Goddess gives us permission. She teaches us to embrace the holiness of every natural, ordinary, sensual dying moment. Patriarchy may try to negate body and flee earth with its constant heartbeat of death, but Goddess forces us back to embrace them, to take our human life in our arms and clasp it for the divine life it is ― the nice, sanitary, harmonious moment as well as the painful, dark, splintered ones”.

Sue Monk Kidd, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter

Venus of Willendorf

Women Behaving Badly is the third of five levels of the women-only courses that Shakti Tantra runs. This was the level I was most looking forward to even if I had no idea what it entailed. After all, who can resist a workshop entitled ‘Women Behaving Badly’?

You see, back in my early twenties I put my ‘badly behaved’ self in the proverbial bag. Over the years, my bag has steadily grown and has now evolved into ‘baggage’; or, to be more specific, an innocuous looking, hand-luggage set that had been stored at my parents’ since 2007. When mum wheeled it into the centre of the bedroom she was redecorating (the irony of the symbolism isn’t lost on me), it seemed like the right time to take it home, empty it out, and wash it off ahead of a new set of adventures. When I discovered a notepad in it, though, with a piece of writing which forms Part One of this blog, I was shocked to say the least. Seems it was really was time to get my issues back out of the bag. Fate, it seems, isn’t without a sense of humour.

The difficulty I face in writing about these workshops, however, is that I can’t disclose our exact shenanigans. Our work is of a similar ilk to the ancient Greek Eleusinian or Dionysian mysteries in that it’s a Mystery School ― a Mystery School that helps you discover your inner mysteries; a Mystery School that helps you unfold, blossom, be all you can be while surrounded by the love, care, tenderness, encouragement, and support of the most inspired, generous, and courageous women I’ve ever known.

I’m a heady person. I’m a writer and scholar of depth psychology. But the thing about these workshops is they challenge you experientially. They draw you down from the lofty, abstracted, disassociated heights of your head and into ― what is for most folk ― the unknown quantity that is the body.

Many of us ‘think’ we’re consciously connected to our bodies. We may ‘think’ we’ve got our bodies sussed, know what they’re up to, what they like to eat, how they like to be exercised, are aware of the issues in the tissues. But once you’re in a workshop like this, you fast realise you haven’t got a clue about the shame, guilt, loathing, fear, [insert issue here], you’ve been lugging around for years, perhaps even decades. And the thing with issues is they stick. They stick to our bodies. And they hurt. They also numb. And they eat away at us. They eat away at our relationships with others, too. Worst of all, they eat away at our authenticity. You want to get real with yourself and others? Then do this work.

So what did I get out of this particular workshop? I tell you what I got ― I got permission. I was celebrated. I, and my fellow Shaktis, got to be funny, powerful, deliciously wicked, curious, awesome, total, magnificent, playful, commanding, sexy, naughty, expressive, mischievous, magnetic, mothering, nurturing. We rocked it. We had presence, we were outrageous. Beneath the light of the (almost) full moon, we frickin’ ripped it up.

Yeah, we kicked ass.

Thea Euryphaessa, Founder, Urban Deva

To buy a copy of Running into Myself, visit Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better still, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here (also ships worldwide). Also available to download on Kindle.

“Thea’s personal journey is utterly compelling. I couldn’t put her book down. Thea manages to make Greek mythology not only understandable, interesting, and relevant to our lives today, but shows how it can be utilised as a tool for self development. She introduces ideas and ways of thinking that broaden your mind, and lights the way for others to follow.”

— Melinda Messenger (TV Presenter)

 “This is a story that truly reveals its author. You’ll discover her beliefs, her flaws, her loves, her fears, her mistakes, her drive and her compassion.

And you’ll like her.”

— Rowena Roberts (Journalist)

Women’s Celebration

“The feminine has slower rhythms, meanders, moves in spirals, turns back on herself, finds what is meaningful to her, and plays.” — Marion Woodman

So, my Tantra journey continues with level two of Shakti Tantra’s workshop for women, Women’s Celebration. I’ll be honest, after doing level one (Women’s Invitation) I was surprised to discover there were four more levels. ‘How much deeper can the work go?’ I thought. Turns out deeper.

Much deeper.

This work reminds me of Russian dolls: you crack open one to find another woman nesting within. Each doll represents a deeper, more authentic, more passionate, juicy, and vital self you’d have never discovered had you not done this work.

You could spend years talking through your issues with a counsellor, analyst, or therapist and you’d make progress for sure. Alternatively, you could work through your issues in what I consider to be the most powerful experiential setting available in the UK today with the most courageous, supportive, and inspiring women you’re ever likely to meet.

From my ongoing studies of depth psychology I’m familiar with Jungian analyst and bestselling author, Marion Woodman’s BodySoul work and its offshoots. As a staunch believer of the dictum ‘Talking is fun, but doing gets done’, I know the value of consciously including the body when it comes to facing and tackling deep-held conscious/unconscious issues. Talking will carry you so far, but when it comes to certain psychological issues there are times when you just have to bypass the rational logical mind and approach it physically.

I’ve seen countless folk talk themselves out of relationship with their bodies, terrified of feeling, terrified of being fully present in their bodies. I know because I was one of them. They retreat up into the safety of the head and stay there. Meanwhile, the body becomes nothing more than an unconscious stick used to prop up the head, a mass of unconscious flesh. Thing is, the mind isn’t located in the brain. The mind is located in every single cell of the body. And that’s where this work comes into its own.

Even if you don’t consciously know what the issue is — what’s holding you back, restricting you, inhibiting you — it doesn’t matter. This work goes straight to the heart of the matter — that ‘matter’ being your body. And remember, the word ‘matter’ shares its roots with ‘mater’ which means ‘mother’. This, therefore, is healing at the deepest, most profound level imaginable.

I love this work because it cuts to the chase and releases you from any false illusions you may have had about yourself, leaving the mind reeling in its wake. That doesn’t mean you can’t consciously reflect on what you experienced afterwards and draw your necessary lessons etc. My point is, once you do this work your relationship with your Self and your body is changed forever and will never be the same.

Bring on level three.

Thea Euryphaessa, Founder, Urban Deva

To buy a copy of Running into Myself, visit Amazon UK, Amazon US or, better still, order a limited edition signed copy direct from her publisher here: Running into Myself (also ships worldwide). Also available to download on Kindle.

“Thea’s personal journey is utterly compelling. I couldn’t put her book down. Thea manages to make Greek mythology not only understandable, interesting, and relevant to our lives today, but shows how it can be utilised as a tool for self development. She introduces ideas and ways of thinking that broaden your mind, and lights the way for others to follow.”

— Melinda Messenger (TV Presenter)

“This is a story that truly reveals its author. You’ll discover her beliefs, her flaws, her loves, her fears, her mistakes, her drive and her compassion. And you’ll like her.”

— Rowena Forbes (Journalist)

Comments

Thea, you are so right, I wish I could have put it so well myself, as a fellow traveller and marveller. All women really ’should’ do this – yeah, I know, that word, but hey, I’m old and can say what I fuckin’ like!!!

Comment by Jill Greig — June 21, 2011 @ 6:12 pm

Ha ha ha, love it! But you are so right – every woman ’should’ do it. I banged on about that in my first Shakti Tantra workshop review (Women’s Invitation) ‘Of Womanhood, heir’. It’s a privilege sharing this wild ride with you chica. xo

Comment by urbandeva — June 21, 2011 @ 6:56 pm

Hey Thea, Love reading your thoughts on Women’s Celebration. The Russian Dolls analogy is beautiful. I fell into a dream on Monday night following return from the course – and had the words ‘psychic avalanche’ in my dream! It is beautiful & powerful & opens all chakras. What a privilege to meet you & to have stumbled across your captivating energy – and huge, happy smile. I am so excited to continue reading your book. It is gorgeous – and is giving me the insight to write – as a journey of personal transformation. Thank you Thea. My petals are unfolding & my soul is healing and deepening following our women’s mystery retreat. Lets play out together real soon honey xxxx

Comment by Paula Hickman — June 22, 2011 @ 11:14 am

Hey Paula, thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to share – I really appreciate your gorgeously generous words. Just want to squeeze you! ‘Psychic avalanche’ eh? What a fabulous dream! Sounds as though you’re getting more deeply acquainted with your own ‘intimate noise’ and reconnecting with yourself at an even deeper level? So wonderful to hear of your continued blossoming. I’m honoured to walk this path with you and feel very humbled. Your courage has been, and continues to be, inspiring.

Let’s definitely play out soon. It’d be lovely to go to my Reiki teacher’s place with you and enjoy an afternoon of healing and relaxing. I reckon you’d revel in the energy.

Sending you oodles of love and kisses darling. xox

Comment by urbandeva — June 22, 2011 @ 3:46 pm

Can good sex be taught? – Psychologies Magazine – September 2010

Sex classes are not longer just for those with problems – or exotic tastes.  They can help anyone who wants to make good sex better, and more and more of us are signing up.  Viki Wilson discovers why.

What’s a sex workshop really like?

Nicci Talbot, 35, a women’s health writer (inrudehealth.com), attended a workshop with her partner Matt at Shakti Tantra.

Our sex life had become a little routine, so when a friend recommended a workshop, I persuaded Matt to try it.  I’ve tried sensual massage courses and was less embarrassed about the workshop, but it was out of Matt’s comfort zone to have a private session with just us and the instructors, Sue and Martin.  I did feel nervous for him because I knew he was there on my behalf.

The workshop took place in a light-filled studio covered with cushions, rich colours and sensual art.  Matt was wearing only boxers and I was wearing knickers and a top.  We began with a hugging exercise, designed to help us explore how we liked to be held, before moving onto written exercises where we presented in a positive way what we wanted from our sex life, acknowledged current obstacles, such as too much TV, and agreed to a realistic plan to make changes, including making time for massage.

The most intimate exercise was called Directed Pleasuring – touching and saying how we would like to be touched, which the other person had to follow.  We did this using different props – kissing, massage or using feathers and silk.

What was nice was that Sue and Martin did the exercises with us, which made us less self-conscious and intensified the session; I found it a turn-on to watch a couple who are really into each other.  I could see they were very comfortable with the situation, which was inspiring.  We were a little bit more inhibited, of course.  But it was rewarding and quite arousing to see how they communicate and to watch them touch.  Of course you don’t always have the time or energy to do a massage for two hours a night so we were given some sensual short cuts to try, such as ‘Meetings’ – (* see below), an effective way to stay connected and keep the energy flowing between the two of us.

The workshop revealed barriers in our sex life that we hadn’t thought were there.  I realised that I find it hard to ask for what I want in bed.  I tend to put Matt’s needs before my own, and this makes me feel frustrated, which build up to cause tension.  If I know that he doesn’t enjoy doing something, like kissing for example, then it’s hard for me to ask for it and relax and enjoy the experience.

We’ve made practical changes since the workshop, such as fewer evenings spent working and more time relaxing together, but we’ve also started doing more physical things together, such as running, walking and going horse riding.  The exhilaration and closeness that come from these activities transfer to our sex life.

A workshop is a great way to invest in your relationship and explore it.  We do courses for our career but don’t think about investing in our sex lives, or in each other the same way.

* Meetings – after a day apart, simply greet each other with eye contact and a hug.  It’s a small daily ritual that connects you physically and emotionally.

An Introduction to Tantra

The earliest record of Tantra was around 6 thousand years ago in India…..It is documented in the book “The Vijanabhairava” or Divine Consciousness, which is the story of Shakti [female quality or principle, sometimes called yin] inviting Shiva[ male quality or principle, sometimes called yang] to tell her the way of the world……….Of course she already knew all this, but Shiva was lying around lazily complete in himself.

For the benefit of us poor mortals she invited him to speak and share his wisdom creating the “The Vijanabhairava”, but not only that ……the two together created a whole, Shiva being consciousness, Shakti being energy, meaning the marriage of male and female within, which in turn allows the sacred experience to manifest…….the book “Zen Flesh Zen Bones” is a precis of the aforementioned scripture.

Tantra is a difficult concept for the highly trained intellectual mind because it’s more to do with feeling than doing. We are taught to be clever, think a lot about life, what it means and how to obtain and perform. What this approach doesn’t do, is to teach us to really live life, to feel,to make our choices from our own inner knowing of what is good for us.

Tantra invites vibrant aliveness from inside, not from our heads but from a totality in the body, emotionally rich and authentic in our expression. Tantra came into being as a spiritual discipline for the lay people, householders [married people]……who became increasingly fed up with the concept that the only ones able to celebrate the sacred path were the celibates……..the nuns or monks etc.

Although it was a strong spiritual discipline in the east, and now in the west, it is still a discipline but a lot of the emphasis is on the healing aspect of our sexual energy, the many issues around abuse, shame, sexual health and all the violence that is born of ignorance. Tantra is ‘The Tao’ [the way] that honors the body as sacred, celebrates the senses and allows pleasure and nurture as a way of life……..It teaches us how to relax, to choose to live totally and as intensely as we wish to. Tantra teaches us to trust ourselves, trust our inner guidance and judgments in our way of living, choosing and creating our lives with awareness.

Much has been written about Tantra and sex, it is most commonly thought that this is all…….in actual fact the Tantric path is about consciousness, sex is only one manifestation of our unique expression of life……love is another…..we have many expressions of living and at each point of meeting we can choose to be total in consciousness and awareness…….it is a skill, a discipline, invited by the model of Tantra ……The byproduct of all this, is that we can live a life with more intensity, more sustainable sexual pleasure and much deeper connected relationships.

Tantra is a non dualistic, a non prescriptive model, not making any demands on sexual orientation……..you can be with one partner or many, the choice is yours, it is leading a life of transcending all differences. Living life in awe, wonder, love and with the innocence of a child with the adult perspective, the miracle of our bodies and senses, being participants of our lives rather than spectators.

Hilly Spenceley

Disability: Sex, relationships and pleasure

Shakti Tantra had significant presence at a recent Conference that was held at the Royal Society of Medicine, London.  It was organised by Tuppy Owens of SHADA and the aim was to educate, inform and inspire health professionals about the importance of recognising and supporting the sexual needs of people with disabilities.

Sue provided a demonstration of a multi-sensory experience that she has developed with Dominic who is a tetraplegic and shared examples of how she has worked with people with disability.   It was fantastic to have the opportunity to explain how some of the principles of tantra can be applied and how they are so relevant to different groups of people.

The demonstration received very positive feedback including that some people were actually moved to tears!  If you want to see more, please see the following articles:-

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article6912760.ece

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article5716226.ece

BDSM is an acronym that covers three distinct areas: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sado- masochism. BDSM is one of many aspects of sexuality and although in the past has been veiled in mystery and fear, in recent years, it has become more widely known and many of the play instruments of BDSM (paddles, crops, handcuffs) are now readily available in High Street sex shops, and have created a more mainstream subset which is quite often known as tie and tease. However, for the general public and the mass media, it is still seen as being ‘kinky’ sex and is quite often portrayed as in a Carry On film.

Under the general umbrella of BDSM, many subsets of human behavior are played out, including punishment, verbal abuse, sexual role playing, dressing up, tying up and many more, but in essence, BDSM is all about the expression and use of power in relationship.

Relationship in its widest context (including personal, sexual, working, family) is the playing field on which power is expressed, used and in certain circumstances abused. BDSM brings into consciousness many of the unconscious games that are played out in relationship and allows this free expression in a safe, sane and consensual way.

BDSM does not always involve sexual play and in domination/submission activities, it may not include any physical connection at all. From the outside, BDSM can appear to be sexual abuse, violent or coercive, but in reality, when played with consciousness and agreement, it is a safe, sane arena for play. However, one potential problem that can occur with BDSM is where the person gets stuck in this one aspect of sexuality and is only able to express themselves sexually within BDSM play (in essence BDSM becomes a true fetish).

Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterised by the fact that the participants usually take on complementary, but unequal, roles. Typically, participants who are active ‘applying the activity or exercising control over others’ are known as tops or dominants and those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners, are typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals will tend to have a greater energy for one role although some will happily switch roles and it is generally good to experience both.

Martin Hellawell